*You can drink a pot of coffee and still go to sleep in the morning.
*You can't see it; it's probably not there.
*You think it is acceptable to use "penis" and "vagina" in a normal conversation.
*You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
*You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead.
*You see stress as a normal way of life.
*You have a tendency to laugh at your patient's "big" problems.
*You know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place in town by heart.
*You've ever told anyone in pain to "stop being a baby and deal with it."
*You've ever told a patient to "stop faking it."
*You don't get excited about blood loss unless it's your own.
*You don't hit patients or doctors....unless absolutely necessary.
*You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting.
*You've ever said, "Why am I here?"
*If you believe if a patient who has a catheter, he needs it.
*Everyone gets treated exactly the same...until they piss you off.
*You've ever had to contend with someone who thinks constipation for 4 hours is an emergency.
*You refer to motorcyclists as organ donors.
*You can eat a candy bar with one hand while performing digital stimulation on your patient with the other hand, and it doesn't bother you.
*You've ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone's vein and said, "Now your going to feel a little stick."
*You've ever thought, "As long as he's got a pulse, I don't care about the rhythm."
*You automatically multiply by three the number of drinks a patient claims to have daily.
*You feel that if someone is shot or stabbed, they probably deserved it.
*You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.
*Your most common assessment question at 2 a.m. is "Why is this an emergency now?"
*You firmly believe that "too stupid to live" should be a diagnosis.
*You have to leave the patient before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
*You believe a good tape job will fix anything.
*You can think of another 200 examples of "You Might Be a Nurse If..."